Monday, February 13, 2012

So the doctor wants you in a gown.

Ahhhh! I was not counting on hearing that today. When I went in to have little lumpy checked last week, I just pulled my pants down a little. So when the nurse handed me a full gown, I suddenly started thinking of all the shortcuts I had taken earlier that morning. I had only shaved the top part of my legs. I couldn't find a pair of my own socks, so I had borrowed a pair of Ed's. I had not taken the time to make sure that everything I was wearing was matching. Then as I'm undressing, eddie says, "Hey, what's that on your bra?" I look down and there is some kind of brown something that I am telling myself is chocolate. I can hear my mother gasping right about now. Oh and did I mention that on Friday night I fell down an entire flight of stairs so my body looks like a human punching bag?

But as soon as the doctor came in, I kind of forgot about all that. I think sometimes in those kind of stressful waiting doctor situations I focus on all the trivial things I can or could control. But really I just want to know. What's going on? What is it? What do we do about it? Now I know. The dr did not seem concerned and I'm going back in 2 weeks for the old two month check so for now I'm just keeping an eye on it.

Yay! I dodged a bullet...again. I realize this is my life. There will always be scans and worry. I can't control what happens next with my cancer, but that doesn't mean that cancer controls me. Like my sweet friend Julie A pointed out, I'm not lying to myself. I'm living. And that's exactly what I want to be doing right now.

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