A Deal's a Deal

I was sitting in the waiting room at one of my many dr appointments on Monday perusing a celebrity rag mag. I came across an article on a certain celeb couple who had the inside of their rings inscribe with the words "A deal's a deal." That really hit home with me right now. That pretty much sums up where my sweet husband and I are right now. We are supporting each other not because we are so happy and in love (don't get me wrong, we absolutely LOVE each other) but because that is the deal we made. We've agreed to stick it out.

I was thinking about our wedding day and wondered how things would have gone if when the preacher said in sickness and in health, the micro machine guy popped up saying:

"Sickness will include but not be limited to a bout with malignant melanoma that will leave your wife scarred, sick, grouchy, uninterested in sex or even being touched for that matter because her body will constantly be uncomfortable. Her hair will come out in clumps and it will bother her so much that she will complain about that the most. She will struggle on and off with depression, but refuse to accept help the doctors will try to offer. She will spend alot of time sleeping and leave you to care for the children. Most days she will be unable to do menial tasks. She will be unable to remember important things you've asked her to do and as a result, you will be in charge of most of the household responsibilities. Things will basically be miserable for an undisclosed amount of time."

Right now there are no deep, meaningful kisses, snuggles on the couch or date nights. Smiles and laughter are few and far between. Many nights we don't even spend in the same bed because I can't bear to be touched or moved. Things are not carefree. We used to talk about our future or where we would be in in X amount of years. Now, we talk about treatment options, friends who have received bad scans, upcoming appointments, who will take care of the children and how I'm feeling, or we simply don't talk at all. There is always a nagging feeling of worry.

I worry alot about cancer and recurrence and the future. One thing I NEVER worry about is getting through this with my marriage in tact. I also know that this experience has and will continue to make us stronger. We are in this and I know that he will be right there with me through whatever happens in this life together because after all, a deal's a deal.