The Haps

Here's what's going on with me: My dr had me take a week of treatment last week. It was OUTSTANDING! Aside from some headaches, I felt like a super star. My back didn't hurt, no tummy trouble, slept like a babe and ate the house down. I was still as weak as a sweet little baby kitten, but felt pretty good. Then came Monday.

The doctor called and said since my tummy issues were cleared up that it was most likely the Intron and that I should start back on injections. He said that it happens. If you're having problems, sometimes you have to stop for a week or so, then go back on. I must admit, I felt a little like a failure, but I'll get over it. I knew what to expect from the one time I skipped a dose so Eddie and I could go on a mini vacay. I manned up and did the shot and it was as horrible as I knew it would be. It was the usual symptoms times 10.

At some point in the night, E.J. came and got in bed with me (Eddie being banished to the couch and all). I woke up so so sick, so I woke her up and asked her to get Eddie for me. He came in and piled on all the blankets we had and brought me some Tylenol. Ellie said, "Mom, I know you must be so cold cause the whole bed is shaking." Me: Yeah, I'm freezing! Come snuggle my back cause you are so warm." Then that sweet little baby girl snuggled up to me and started rubbing my back O so sweetly. I drifted off a little and woke up to her holding my hand. What a doll!

Last night was bad, but not as bad as Monday. I'm ready to get back to the slightly annoyingly sick phase again. I expect Friday to be a little less worse than Wed and so on until I can semi function again.

That's all I have for now. Wear your sunscreen, stay out of tanning beds and if you're too dumb to do that, for heaven sakes, protect your kids.

Results are good

Dr called and said everything was pretty normal. Polyp on gall bladder but they aren't concerned.

Update

Had a dr apt today. My white blood count is really low so he wants me to stop treatment for possibly a week. I have mixed feelings. Part of me thinks yea a week off. The other part knows that going back on is going to be oh so awful. When you take a break, it's like starting all over with the side effects so there will be high fever, body aches, and chills galore.

*Poop talk ahead*

So, I've had severe diarrhea, stomach cramps and back pain for about 2 weeks. My glucose was really low because I just can't eat anything without a disaster happening. The dr gave me some meds to see if it will help, but he suspects something is wrong with my gall bladder and/or pancreas. I'm going in for an ultrasound tomorrow at 1045. Then, possibly have to go see a gastroentologist (?). The good news is that my dr doesn't think that it is related to cancer, so yea!

I also had a spot on my ovary light up on the PET, but again my dr said it probably wasn't cancer related. They are going to send my scans to my OBGYN just to see what she thinks.

So that's where we're at. No joke, I have to go to the bathroom STAT! :)

Day with L

The girls just got back from a 10 day vacation and I was so happy to have them back. L and I actually got to spend some one on one time together this afternoon. Everyone else was taking a nap (highly unusual). We did some bonding time: took a shower, she showed off her new found ability to do a headstand. I had the usual stomach ache issues and got to hear heartwarming/hilarious things such as "It's ok that it smells momma because you always sit with me when I poop." We laid on the floor in her room while she told me all about her trip to Wyoming. I just kept looking at her in awe. She is growing up so much and as she talked, I just tried to burn the image of her in my mind. Her sweet face, her glowing blonde hair, her perfectly white straight baby teeth. If you have kids, I think you know the feeling of wanting to just lean over and smother their sweet cheeks with kisses. Perfection.

Here's the weird thing: All day the girl just kept offering me food. Fruit snacks? Crackers? Bananas? It was getting annoying. At one point, she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips and I said, "L, we aren't having any chips right now ok?" Her face turned to worry and she said, "Mom, I won't eat any. They're just for you." I had mistakenly thought that she was offering the foods that she wanted to eat.

Then she said this: "I noticed that you didn't eat breakfast and only a few bites of lunch. What if you don't eat anything when we aren't here and you get really sick?"I suddenly realized what she was doing. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted a different life for her. I fought back tears. A six year old should not worry about what their mom is eating. It's just not fair to her.

I wish I could say that I ate the chips, but I just couldn't. I did wrap in her in super hug and explained that my treatment made things taste funny. I took her to the kitchen and forced myself to eat a handful of Teddy Grahms. It seemed to appease her.

During this whole ordeal, I have tried to be appropriately honest with my kids about what is happening. My motto to L has always been that if there is something to worry about, I will tell her. We talk freely about cancer and treatment. They have seen me do injections. I just hope this is the right thing for them. I just don't know.

What I do know is that for now I am cancer free. I am fighting so hard thru each treatment and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. November her I come and I am going to eat up Thanksgiving and Christmas and wipe the worry right of my sweet 6 year old face! Take that Melanoma!!!!

Responsible blogging

So it's come to my attention that some people reading my blog were wondering about my scans. Scans were clean! No cancer! I have been sick for a few weeks and my joints are killing me so it makes typing painful. Sorry to leave people hanging. I ll try harder to be a more responsible blogger. Thanks to everyone for the prayers and concern.

Scanxiety

Today I had my PET scan. For me the actual scan is pretty relaxing. I was told to try and eat a low carb diet for 24 hrs before. I ate a lot of steak (thank you grill master Eddie). I wasn't allowed anything to eat after 7:15 this morning. I didn't wake up until 8:30, so I missed breakfast.

I was so weak and hungry by 1230 that when they handed me a sugery concoction of barium contrast, I was thankful. Mmmmm...fruit punchy. Then, I had an IV put in and some kind of radioactive dye injected into my arm.

Here comes the best part: They put you in a room, wrap you in warm blankets and hand you a remote to your very own tv for 45 min. Now, if you have small kids at home all day, you know what a treat it is to be able to watch something other than Nick Jr. I of course chose Maury. Well, wouldn't you know it, but the radiologist came to get me right before I was going to find out who the baby daddy was. Bummer. Oh, did I mention that if you tell them you don't like small spaces, they give you a little something warm and fuzzy and floating.

Then, you get to lay in a big tube that makes worley noises that are actually quit soothing. I fell asleep, so I'm pretty sure I got an A+ for holding still. After it was all said and done, the radiologist came in. She asked me if I had ever had trauma to my right chest area. Yeah, a port, but Ihad it removed in Feb. She said it looked like I had been punched in the boob (she actually said those words). Well, you know, that's pretty much how it feels--I am speculating here.

Here's the frustrating part: She told me that she had a dr come in to look at my boob punch, I mean removed port area. A DOCTOR WAS RIGHT THERE LOOKING AT MY PET, BUT I CAN'T GET MY RESULTS! He was right there. I did that thing where I was searching her face for some sign of "sorry it's worse" or "don't you worry old gal. You're just fine." Nothing.

So, I called my nurse and vaguely said I had a question. She called me back and I sheepishly asked if I could have my results today. No go. Looks like Monday it is. Hopefully, my next post will be a positive one. Until then, lets just keep on praying!




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WOW!

Wow is right! That worship time was just incredible! When they announced before services about the girl who just graduated from high school with cancer who is doing hospice, my heart just sank. It made me think how lucky I am right now. I mean what if this had happened to me at that age? What would I have missed?

• Going to college
• Working weird part time jobs
• Vacations with just my husband
• Hiking to the top of Mt. Washburn
  
• Voting
  
• Getting married
• Having sex (yeah, I said it)
• Having my beautiful babies (see above bulletin)
• Holding and rocking those babies
• Watching them grow and change
• Arkansas last summer
• All the times spent giggling with my mom and sisters
• Spending time with my Dad
• Trips with my in-laws
• and so much more

Sometimes it is so hard to not think why me, woe is me or what if, but for right now I can be thankful because honestly, I have ALOT to be thankful for.

Please pray for this young girl and her family. Pray for miraculous healing and peace for her and her family.