Why the wait?

Ok, so why wait so long to start a blog? I tried to start one a few years ago, but realized that my life was pretty boring and I remembered that I had 3 kids and it was too hard to try to keep up a blog.

My diagnosis was in Nov and I asked my doctor if I could start treatment in Jan so I could have the holidays without being sick on treatment. He said that would be ok. So that gave me almost two months to imagine all sorts of things. I did what any normal person would do and sought expert advice....the internet. I basically burned my eyeballs out searching anything I could find about Melanoma. I was trying so hard to find out about Interferon and the side effects and just basically what to expect. The problem was that almost every blog I found ended in ""warrior" just lost their heroic battle to Melanoma". I decided that I did not want to die in real life and on the internet. No blogs for me!

I did my month of high dose Interferon when I came across a FB page called AIM at Melanoma. I found so many people that were in the same place as me. They were still alive and doing well. Those people have been such an encouragement to me, but I still wasn't ready to commit to a blog.

Cut to Leila's kindergarten graduation. During her program, they had a slideshow. I watched her program fighting back tears. Now, I wasn't sad because she was graduating Kindergarten. I am proud of her and want her to grow older and have a producive life. I was sad because last year, I could've told you about every picture of her year. I was there. I was present. I was a good mommy. I sat there looking at the picures of her year thinking that I don't even know what that day was or who that classmate is or what they were doing. It was at that moment that I really realized how much of the year had been taken from me.

So now I start this blog so that I can look back and remember in some way what has happened. I'm here and I experience things everyday, but I can't always remember. Hopefully, with this blog I can go back and read and it will provide some sort of record for me. Each day is a gift to me now and I guess I just want to remember them and if I can't remember, I hope this blog will remind me.